Out of all the parts of my FMP script so far, the opening scene has changed the most, being considerably different in every new revision. In this blog post I’m going to briefly analyse all of my different opening scenes and talk you through my thought processes.
Before we can do that though, make sure you have read the two previous blog posts on my FMP so that you have all the context needed to understand what I’m talking about.
Developing Characters: https://taranfieldyr1fmp.movie.blog/2020/05/20/fmp-characters/
Plot Summary: https://taranfieldyr1fmp.movie.blog/2020/05/21/fmp-plot-summary/
Draft One
Analysis
Pros
This first draft of the film’s opening shows how much the story has developed over time as very few of the features I outlined in past blog posts come up in this opening.
In this first draft, the difference between Ben and Anna’s new friends was the key focus which is why I started by introducing two of the side characters and how they interacted with each other. I hoped, by contrasting this with how Ben interacts with the rest of the group it would quickly highlight how everyone thought he was a bit of an outcast and a weirdo.
I also used this draft as a way of practicing my writing, seeing how well I could write a natural conversation. This is why the initial conversation is so long; I was never intending on keeping it that long in the film I just wanted to practice writing conversations. To help keep it natural, the story in the script is actually a true story from my life and the conversation is based upon conversations I have had with my friends when telling that story, in future drafts of this campfire scene, all of the conversations between the teenagers is modelled around real conversations because I figured that was the best way to make it feel real, if it actually is.
Me and Ryan made the decision to have Ben narrate the conversation through a voice over. We realized that a number of films and tv shows depicting mentally ill people such as American Psycho, Memento and You, utilize this narrative devise and thought it would work really well for our film, allowing us to explore Ben’s character on a much deeper level.
Changes needed
I quickly realized this would not work as an intro because I couldn’t afford to give so much screen time to characters who play no part in the central narrative. I also realized that introducing the characters this way round made Ben very unlikable because I was directly comparing him to inherently likable characters.
And that was another problem, the story is meant to be told from Ben’s point of view and Ben doesn’t like Anna’s friends. So by allowing the audience to form a positive opinion of Anna’s friends it completely shatters their trust in the narrator which would negatively affect the entire film.
I also decided that I wanted to start slightly before the campfire scene so that I could introduce Ben and Anna separately from the larger group as they are the two central characters and I needed the audience to care about their relationship.
Draft Two
Analysis
Pros
I actually really like this intro from a structural point of view. After finishing draft one I spent some time further developing my idea and decided I needed to put a lot more emphasis on the murder (or lack there of) as it is the dramatic climax of the film.
I decided I wanted to show Ben having visions of the murder throughout the film as I loved the way The End of the F***ing World used a similar devise. But when I first came up with the idea I only planned on those visions starting after Ben met Henry.
The great Alfred Hitchcock played a big part in me deciding to open with one of Ben’s visions as my intro was written as a direct response to watching his interview on creating tension.
So I guess in draft 2, Ben becomes Hitchcock’s bomb. By making the audience think that Ben is going to kill someone it creates a sense of anticipation which steadily grows as Ben gets closer and closer to the scene shown in the beginning. I was absolutely buzzing when Hitchcock ended his lesson by saying ‘The bomb must never go off’ because I had already made the decision very early on that Ben would never actually carry out the murder so it was nice to hear that my instinct is in the keeping with Mr Hitchcock’s.
I also really liked the opening line, I never thought of myself as a murderer because it, again, feeds into that sense of anticipation. It’s actually a bit of a red herring; by putting that line over the top of the image of Ben with a knife is comes across as if he we are hearing him after he has carried out the murder but in actual fact we are hearing him on the last day of school, commenting on the decline of his mental health.
In terms of introducing Ben’s character its instantly better because I actually introduce him first, making it clear he is the protagonist and making it clear that we will be hearing his inner dialogue throughout the film. The image of his walking through the crowd of schoolkids is just a visual metaphor for how he feels invisible and isn’t very popular, which I quite like.
You can probably tell there is a thing about mirrors in this second draft; we open with a shot of Ben looking at himself in the mirror and we see Ben looking at himself in the mirror as a young boy. This is because there is a strong theme of reflection in the film; Ben begins the film with a very skewed view of himself and he can only accomplish his need by properly reflecting on his past. I think this visual metaphor is especially effective in the opening shot.
Another visual metaphor is Ben’s shirt. I put emphasis on Ben’s shirt being yellow as that colour represents mental illness and when Ben is preparing to kill Henry he is a victim of mental illness. By covering the shirt with a jumper in the beginning, it shows how Ben puts on a protective layer to try to hide this illness from the rest of the world. That protective layer is to remove himself from the world and become very cold to the people around him, hence the dark blue jumper. It’s a bit pretentious but you can see what I was going for.
The other main aspect of this new draft is Anna and Ben’s relationship. My aim was to make their dialogue seem very real to how old friends would talk for the first time in a while.
Changes needed
The biggest problem I had with this draft is that the opening monologue is way too on the nose, I continued to have this issue into future drafts but the problem really started here.
The flashback to Ben as a child was completely unnecessary for two main reasons: I could introduce the fact Ben’s father is abusive in a more subtle manner and also that brief scene is so impracticable as myself and Ryan would have to get two more actors just for one ten second flashback.
Draft Three
Analysis
Pros
Simply from a narrative point of view, this is my favorite draft in terms of its opening. I kept in all the stuff with the vision at the start which I really like but chose to add a scene with Ben’s therapist. Which is loosely inspired by Good Will Hunting and I Am Not Okay With This.
The purpose of the therapy scene is to find a new way of showing Ben to be mentally unwell to avoid the long monologue from draft two.
Pretty much every line in this scene is exposition: Ben is mentally unwell, something bad is going to happen at the end of the film, Ben has lost a loved one, it is the anniversary of their death, it is the last day of school, Ben has no real support system in his personal life, etc. It is a lot of exposition for such a short scene but by hiding it in a conversation I feel it is a bit more engaging.
It was in this draft that I decided the death of Ben’s mother needed to take a central part in this story compared to just another part of Ben’s character. To bring it fully into the story I made the decision to have the day of the film is set be the anniversary of her death, I feel this was a good decision as it adds a lot more emotion to the story and offers a good explanation for Ben being particularly unstable.
Of course, adding this extra weight to the Mother narrative meant I had to rewrite Ben and Anna’s first conversation and I was actually pretty happy with how it came out and I’d say I utilized sub-text quite well.
Changes needed
I clearly have a subconscious longing for unnecessary monologues because the first half of page three is completely unneeded and replaces the dialogue in draft two I was trying to get rid of.
But the biggest problem with this draft is that it is just too long. If I were writing a longer film I’d probably keep the core of this first scene in tact but as I am constantly against the clock I just can’t afford to spend this much time setting the story up.
Draft Four
Analysis
Pros
Pretty much the entire objective of this draft was to economise, take what I had done in previous drafts and shrink it down to just the most necessary stuff. This meant getting rid of the therapist scene. What I did was actually take the end of the therapist scene and reword it into a monologue (I seemingly am unable to not write an inner monologue at the beginning) and, all things considered, I don’t hate it.
I also moved Ben’s vision slightly, I’m still toying with where to put it but I’m pretty sure it has the desired effect wherever it is placed in the opening scene.
I also changed it so that you would only find out Ben’s mother died right before Ben’s freak-out at the fire. I think this is a much better place to put it as the story can ride the impact of that reveal into a high intensity section, giving the whole scene a more natural pacing.
I again had to rework Ben and Anna’s conversation but for the most part it has stayed the same.
Changes needed
From a structural and efficiency point of view, I’d say this is the strongest draft and the only thing I really need to iron out is the clunky dialogue in the opening.
Since I wrote this draft I made the decision to make Ben an active protagonist so I’ll need to show that he is actively trying to fix his relationship with Anna and that, of course, needs to start in the opening scene so, in my next draft, I’ll have to completely redo their conversation.
Overall, I’m really happy with how the script is evolving and I’m looking forward to seeing what ends up being the final draft of this scene.
Taran Field Yr1 FMP 